Letter from Zeferino Ramirez to Ana Minian





Ms. Minian,

I really connected to what you said, that migrants like myself were defined as “neither here nor there.” For all of my life in America I have never truly felt “American.” A life in pursuit of the American dream was just that, a dream. It felt always distant, always slipping out of my grasp. Each new municipality that was erected to push us out of our towns seemed to mirror what this country now asks for — a wall to push us out of this country entirely. Of course, in my time, this xenophobia was nothing new. “Build the Wall” is another iteration of a century of exclusivity. But I still find myself wanting to assimilate, I don’t know why. I visited Mexico City, expecting to feel pride in my history and culture, and instead felt a visceral aversion towards the whole place. I wished for the order and structure of American society and, though I wish I could stop feeling this way, I don’t know if i can. How can I want so much to be part of a country that does not want be? Sometimes i try to overcorrect — tell my sons not to speak English in the house. But i think my children just resent me for it. I don’t know how to navigate this, the desire to go back to my culture but also look to the future in America. Every obstacle in my way manifests itself in so much more than a new municipality. It’s my very identity, full of barriers and corridors that I just cannot navigate anymore. But your work really spoke to me. It gave me the words to articulate what I had been feeling for so long.

Thank you,
Zeferino Ramirez 

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